He Clinic

A Bike Ride Into The Unknown

by Stickboy BKK 0

It’s 4.30am and I’m heading home with a cheeky McDonalds. It’s been a long night and one best forgotten. Too many unwanted conversations with too many tossers.

Bag of burgers in hand I make my way to the main drag to hail a cab. A motorbike taxi driver touting for business asks where I’m going and offers a cheap ride home. I politely decline as bike rides for me in Bangkok are limited to friends only as I’m shit scared of them.

As he continues his pitch I explain that I don’t like bikes and I live on the other side of the city. It’s just too far away. He insists on going slow and we will be fine. I’ve no logical reason to explain why I’m on the back of his bike heading towards Asoke intersection but I am and give this guy credit, he really is taking it easy.

bangkok after dark

As we motor at a reasonable speed down Asoke he asks if I want a lady. I tell him not tonight and add that I don’t have money for that kind of fun on me. We make idle chit chat as we go and we are back at beer and babes. Okay, lets go for a beer and then home.

The places he had in mind at Saphan Kwai are closed so we are now hunting down a small karaoke joint. A few lefts and rights and we find one open. It turns out we are the only customers and the girls seem happy to see us. A late night surprise meaning some extra drinks and tips as I assume if we hadn’t arrived they’d have shut up shop sooner rather than later.

The beers are ordered and motorbike man tells me it’s 120 baht per girl to join us. They are already lined up at our booth waiting for us to make our selection. The first thing I noticed as I ran my eye along the line up was how good looking most of them were. Yeah, there were a few uglies in the pack but on the whole they were all 20-25ish, slim and cute as pie. We make our choices and the girls join us.

One thing to mention here about the drinks. Motorbike man was ordering just one long neck Leo at a time for us to share and the girls ordered Coke. When they ordered soft drinks my first thought was meh, that’s not gonna loosen them up. But I was wrong. The Coke was to add to the Leo. And yes, it tasted vile. Beer and Coke are not a good combo no matter what or how many you’ve had.

The song books arrived but no one done any singing, they just fired up the choices on the screens and we drank and chatted for about an hour. This would have been a nightmare if you couldn’t speak any Thai as only one of the girls could speak a few words of English. Between my bad Thai and my new buddies bad English we managed to have a laugh.

The hot wee thing sat with my new mate was pretty shy and certainly not keen on his advances. He was a bit forward but what the hell, we were in a pick up joint after all. Fortunately for me the alcohol started kicking in and my girl started feeling a little frisky. Things could be worse. Time for another beer.

So here I am sat in the middle of nowhere half canned with a motorbike taxi driver I met an hour ago getting my nuts massaged by a little hottie I’d happily spend the morning with but just not this particular morning. Numbers swapped, bill paid and time for the ride home. I’m burst and in need of some sleep.

Out into the morning sun and there’s my bag of burgers still hanging on the bike… just another bizarre night out in Bangkok.

The Bangkok Breakfast Show With Stickboy